I asked for Love

I sit with a steaming cup of Earl Grey tea on a crisp Fall morning. I am a storyteller and teacher in this lifetime. I share my personal experiences in story form. May I invite you to take what resonates with you and leave the rest? I talk out loud to my spiritual guides. I feel their presence in my life always. Yes always! We have no secrets. Now sipping my tea, my mind drifts in remembrance of asking my guides for love. I remember it well.

I had just moved into a lovely, two-bedroom apartment in Walnut Creek, California. I had an inner yearning to feel loved by another truly. It felt like an emptiness within. I thought a relationship could fill it. It was about 2005 on my timeline. I knew enough of magic and how to manifest my desires. I carefully created my intentions, great sense of humor, good-looking, loving, fun, loyal, available emotionally, and more. I added my heartfelt feelings to draw the perfect, unconditional love relationship. I went about getting the right potions, oils, herbs, and candles to assemble to draw this love into my life. On an evening in Summer, I cast my net wide and far with magic. Then let it go. The rest is letting go and trusting the Divine and my guides to handle the details. With a happy heart, filled with gratitude, knowing that all will manifest better than I can picture for myself. Have you ever heard the phrase? "Be careful what you ask for"?

A few weeks later, I was waiting for my son and his wife to come by and pick me up to go to the movies. I was sitting by the open dining window. A gentle breeze blew the curtains out into a billow that looked like a head sail. On this breeze, I heard a bird sing loud and clear. It was not like anything I had ever heard before in our neighborhood. It drew me to look outside and see if I could identify what bird it was. I scanned the treetops and rooftops. They were directly across from my window; a small green bird was on the rooftop. We are talking bright lime green. He was calling out loudly. So I yelled back, "what?" he paced a little and yelled out to me again. Okay, what do you want? I asked. He then flew right over my building across the street.

I followed to find him way up in a tree. I stood below and told this bird I was not chasing you. You know where I live if you are meant to be in my life. You can come to me! My son then pulled up and saw me talking to the trees with my hands on my hips. There's nothing to see here, folks; I waved and laughed out loud. I jumped into my son's truck and off to the movies and a fun evening with my family. I returned home and walked across the street to see if my little guy was still there. I couldn't find him! I promptly went back home and went to sleep. The following day was a lazy warm summer Saturday. I opened up my place while it was still cool and sipped my coffee. Talking to a friend on the phone, I told her of my adventure with the bird. We laughed and wondered about the meaning. Standing at my screen door, I saw my neighbor looking under a parked car across the street on her hands and knees.
I called out what did you find? She said she thought there was a kitten. I opened the screen door and stepped out to talk with her. Her husband was at my front step and turned to me and said, "Look Out! Be careful, or you will step on him." I looked down and at my feet was the bird. I squatted down and held out my hand. I said, "Hey buddy, how are you? He stepped up into my hand. I offered him water, and he drank. He ran around my kitchen floor, chasing the small cat ball with a jingle bell. We played fetch, and I laughed as he clowned around. One of the qualities I desired was a great sense of humor. I swear I heard my guides laughing. Here was the love I had asked for. My Buddy! We had our laughter, fun times, and yelling matches. We were together for about ten years. He left and transitioned in the winter of 2015.

So, in fond memory of My Buddy Bird, my lovebird who found me and stayed with me until death. One of the best teachers I have had in love to date. 

​The moral of this story is: When we ask for something, it is always given. Always so much more than we can picture for ourselves. Stay open, and expect something extraordinary! Keep an open mind, have a sense of humor, and expect miracles in your life. Life is so much more than what we can see. The DIVINE will always answer our requests for help in all areas. Expect the unexpected, and keep an open heart. Life is magical; we are magical!

I am grateful for all I have experienced. I sincerely appreciate the light and fresh new beginnings we can all have in each moment. Each of us can choose to walk through the gateway of the heart. I have no idea, nor can I see the future now. I walk on a bridge between past and future with faith in the Divine to catch me if I stumble. Trust that we can each do this if called to do so. Faith that we are always taken care of. Faith that I am worthy of having an abundant, loving life, better than I can picture for myself. So much grander, so much more. I trust my soul to take one step closer to being of service to all of humanity. Let my heart radiate divine love like a lighthouse beacon bringing others safely home. To step forward and trust. I choose to create the change I desire to see in the world. I am serving the greater good of all of us. I am sharing all I am with whoever needs light to help them on their journey. Thank you for allowing me to share a small fraction of my journey. May it be helpful to another soul out there reaching for the light. I take one step closer to alignment with my soul. Namaste

I have always worked with Angels. Throughout my life as an empath, the journey has been a scenic drive getting from point to point. There are no freeways, only winding roads, and I never know where I am most days. I can see clearly for others but not for myself. When I was alone as a child, angels sat with me. When my mother transitioned at the age of Thirteen, my angels were there to walk with me pouring strength and love for me to keep going. When I was abused, they were there loving me. They danced with me when I danced on the beach and at golden gate park panhandle in the 60s. Gentle, loving, never judging. When I cried and laughed, they were there. Through a problematic marriage, they brought joy into my life through my children and friends. 

Sometimes Angels come through animals—the cat or dog who loves us unconditionally. Two dolphins swam by me in the ocean when I had my heart attack. The doctor had said where I had the heart attack was called the widow maker. You rarely live through them. I like to believe the dolphins helped me vibrationally. Sometimes they come through people in kindness. I was flying home after I had a heart attack. To qualify, I didn’t know I had one. The doctors said I should have died because of the altitude. But the kindest man took the seat next to me, bought me a soda, and watched videos about Hawaii while laughing and sharing stories about what we had in common.

There are also soul reflections—people who come into our lives like soul mirrors for us. I have been blessed to have three to date. That has been a full spiritual mirror. These always have a spiritual gift within the friendship. I have often had spiritual companies where I can see a partial reflection and continue to work on myself.

But Oh, the sweetness of those precious full spiritual reflections. These Souls are a true yin and yang of balance. It has been my experience that My soul expands and grows through these times. I feel the wings of angels embracing me as I write. Angels are messengers of light, we have to ask for help, and it is answered. Rarely in the limited way we perceive it but in an expanded better experience if we are open to it. So much more, better than I ever pictured for myself.

Each day I get one step closer to home. I am grateful for the experiences. Life is so rich in its ventures. Embrace it, cherish it. A gift of the knowledge of so much more than we could picture for ourselves. It’s like a flower unfolding, getting more beautiful and fuller as it opens. Let the fragrance envelop you and take you into the richness.

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The journey continues as I walk within and align with my soul. I wake after only a few hours of sleep. Bloody hell, I had such a great day of sun & nature to nurture myself. Now my mind races like ghostly horses with the bit in their mouth. The tangled thoughts and feelings escape Pandora's box within my heart. Oh great! My past loves, I do meditation with a sincere inventory, and tears flow. I realize I need to once again make amends with someone from my past. But I desire to stay mindful. I ask why? What are my intentions behind it? You should know I have been Codependent in recovery for 30 years. I won't go into the past because it has led me to now—the ghostly horses racing through my head whisper to me. Listen! Feel your fears—more tears flow.
I decided not to contact them directly. But to send sincere amends from my heart. I didn't know what I didn't know then. The more I know, the less I know. Then I forgave myself for acting out of fear. I did love you. I still do and always will. I share these thoughts and feelings to slow these ghostly horses down to a walk. As I pet them, their beautiful bodies relax. I whisper rest now, rest now. I love you. I Have always loved you since the beginning of time. I embrace them. They slowly dissipated like a mist swirling around me. My heart opens just a little bit more. I remember sometimes it can get lonely on my stardust pathway home. One can feel lonely even when surrounded by Angels, you know. Listen, in the quiet solitude within, in the distance; you can hear the music from the spheres. Won't you dance with me along the way?  
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As an Empath seeing myself has always been a challenge.  I have found the world around me serves as a moment to moment reflection of my personal vibrational essence.  Over analyzing
can cause me to spiral out of control within my mind.  Through this journey some souls have been difficult for me to embrace.  The judgement or speck in their eye is but a reflection of my own.  By surrendering it to my Soul.  To embrace my darkness gently with LOVE and allow it to transform within my heart.  

We truly are all connected on a Divine scale.  Sometimes it is difficult to hold that perspective.  It can be uncomfortable.  But for myself, being uncomfortable is a great place to stretch and grow spiritually.  I am Singing My Soul Song now.

As I sit here in the sun this morning having coffee, I am reminded it was not long ago that my view from my back door felt scary, and in a survival mode.  Even though I knew there was something better.  The only way for me to get to a higher place was through the gateway of my heart.  Which terrified me then. I felt if I worked hard and went to battle with my inner darkness I could get through that gateway.  But my fears kept the gate locked tight.  I was exhausted and felt defeated. Then I tried to surrender completely. My Fears of not feeling good enough, rejection, judgement, and worst not having my love returned.  It was a “pandora's box” of fear locked up tight in my heart.  Every time I would take a chance and unlock it all the fears would fly out.  I would get terrified to my core and run away after locking them away deep inside again.  Afraid to let anyone see how vulnerable I felt.  The lie! “If they saw I was vulnerable they would hurt me.”

I have been unpacking my Pandora's box one fear at a time.  I am Gently, loving each one taking them out into the Divine light to be transformed into bubbles of love.

One of the gifts in life is free will.  Opportunities present themselves in each moment.  I chose to embrace a moment this moment shared in writing with another heart out there.  My journey is to connect heart to heart with other souls and love, simply love. This is My Soul Song and I will share the journey with you as it unfolds for me.

My gift to myself is to LOVE myself enough to walk through the gate of my heart to help create a happier, more loving world here and now.  Namaste

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